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Camp Clopper in San Marino and
Canada – Remembered
Our crack archeology team recently discovered a VHS
tape which contains shocking images of unpaid child labor. Mere
children using chain saws to cut wood, Gopee clearing forests and
(most shocking) clear evidence of a certain questionable “structure”
floating across a lake! And all this without an OHSA inspector to be
found! Why, it's as clear as a buttonhook in the well water! Just a
glance 13 ½ minutes into this newly discovered 8mm video evidence
shows the incontrovertible evidence!
People of San Marino, we should have heeded the warning signs before
it was too late! We didn’t watch for the telltale signs of
corruption! The minute we left the house, we gathered together
backstage and re-buckled our knickerbockers, below the knee! There
were many nicotine stains on our index fingers, more than a few
beers were consumed and so many scripts were found hidden in the
corncrib! We started to memorize these scripts and jokes from
Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang. Certain words crept into our
conversation. Words like "swell," “scrub the stage!” and "so's your
dirty-old-man." My friends, we closed our eyes to a situation we did
not wish to acknowledge. We were not aware of the caliber of
disaster indicated by the presence of an auditorium in our
community.
One day, that dirty-old-man showed us a brand-new deck of cards on
which the seal is not yet broken. Then he bet us that he could make
the jack of spades jump out of that brand-new deck of cards and
squirt cider in our ear. And we accepted that bet, and as sure as we
stood there, we wound up with an ear full of cider. He had been
running his crap game since he came to California! So my friends, we
had trouble, trouble in San Marino, but we didn’t listen . . .
We were backstage eating Mindy's cheesecake and wearing red
carnations so late one night that the school superintendent came
down. Great honk! We got into so much trouble a few of us had to
flee to Canada in 1966. And that is when the trouble really began.
It wasn’t bad enough that we were meeting on the false balcony and
Lee fell into the orchestra pit! Harold Hill was courting
Marion the Librarian, some were having dinner in Havana, Cuba,
Nathan Detroit took Adelaide to the Hot Box, Billy Bigelow was
romancing Julie Jordan, Carrie Pipperidge wanted to marry Mister
Snow and Tommy Albright and Jeff Douglas were chasing after Fiona
Campbell while Charlie Dalrymple tired to keep the peace. Why in
1999 the IBTC leadership, lead by Amaryllis, had to flee to Canada,
but that’s another story. Shocking! Positively shocking!
What kept all these delinquents together? We decided to follow that
old man wherever he wanted us to go, as long as he wanted to go. We
stayed with the old man wherever he wanted to stay, as long he
stayed away from the battle’s fray, because we loved him.
Stonecutters cut it on stone, woodpeckers peck it on wood - we loved
him a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the
neck; hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap, barrel and a
heap...we were talkin' in our sleep!
And when it was all over, we heard these words at our graduation
ceremony: "It's the custom at these graduations to pick out some old
man like me to preach at the kids. Well, I can't preach at you. I
know you all too well. I've brought most of you into the world,
rubbed linament on your backs, poured castor oil down your throats
and bounced a few of you off the walls. I only know that now I got
you this far that you'll turn out to be worth all the trouble I took
with you. I can't tell you any sure way to happiness. I only know
that you've gotta go out and find it for yourselves. You can't lean
on the success of your parents. That's their success. And don't be
held back by their failures. Makes no difference what they did or
didn't do. You just stand on your own two feet. The world belongs to
you as much as to the next fella, so don't give it up. And try not
to be scared of people not liking you, just you try liking them. And
just keep your faith, and your courage, and you'll turn out all
right.
Well, we listened and it all worked out pretty well. Further
archeology digs are underway. Curtain Call has recently been found
and evidence of the 1992 and 1999 trips should soon be found.
Operation Grand Slam is underway – the search for the really big one
– Goldthumb will soon be found!
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